Can opposite interests derail a potential match?

Sharing in activities and adventures is an important part of any relationship, but can opposite interests derail a potential match? Our latest It’s Just Lunch survey uncovered some interesting results.

A small majority of men (40%) and women (48%) said they would be open to exploring new ideas, but worried about one person’s interests dominating over the other. But 35% of men and 28% of women saw a lack of common interests as a real concern—and another 10% of both men and women saw it as a deal breaker altogether.

Sometimes, one person will have more life experiences than the other, such as travel, work, et cetera. Could this also create a dilemma? Our respondents say no, with 84% of both men and women saying they wouldn’t mind learning from someone who had more experience as well as being able to share in those experiences in the future.

Its Just Lunch’s take: Obviously, a world-class triathlete and a couch-potato gamer might not match well. But there is something to be said for a mutual understanding that you can’t have everything in common. Still, being open to trying to new things and sharing in adventures will lay the foundation for an exciting and rewarding relationship.

“You don’t know if it’s going to work, but you know it won’t if you don’t try”

John and Chelsea are a recent IJL marriage! We were so excited when we got the news that they were engaged…we remembered when they put their membership “on hold” and couldn’t be more excited for such a lovely couple.

When they joined IJL, John worked in Consulting and was divorced for two years and Chelsea, worked as a Cartographer and was single with a few previous boyfriends. Prior to joining IJL, they both feared not finding the right person but ultimately decided to join because John didn’t want to meet anyone online and Chelsea had faith that a third party would help, as she said, “a fairy godmother involved in helping her find someone wonderful”.

Chelsea was John’s 14th date on his membership, he was her 5th date.  We
coordinated their first date at a local wine bar on a Wednesday evening and we followed up with feedback the next day.

Chelsea’s first impression of John? “I liked him! He was charming, genuine, funny and disarming…he was so candid. I hope to see him again, we exchanged phone numbers.” And John’s feedback on Chelsea? “When she ordered a beer at a wine bar, I was sold. She has a lot of qualities I’m looking for in a match, I plan on calling her tonight.”

A few weeks later, they both placed their membership “on hold” and began dating each other exclusively.  While dating, they traveled a lot together, to the mountains, the beach and to visit family. They enjoyed being active with bike riding, going to the dog parks and taking long walks. They enjoyed trying new restaurants, going to the movies and played in a volleyball league together. They both agreed they would have never met without It’s Just Lunch and their favorite part about dating with us was of course, meeting each other.

Their advice to anyone thinking about joining It’s Just Lunch? “You don’t know if it’s going to work, but you know it won’t if you don’t try” advises Chelsea. And John recommends, “Be patient and give very honest feedback to your matchmaker. You may not meet the right person right away, but it’s important to help those matching you understand exactly what works for you and what doesn’t.”

Geekology and Dating

Our gadget-obsessed, high-tech world has embraced the idea of “geek” as chic, whether it’s in television with hit shows like The Big Bang Theory or adding a pair of smart specs to your accessory bin.  But how does this trend translate into the dating world?

We discovered that the majority of people, 73% of men and 64% of women say nerdy qualities in a partner are cool, even normal for this day and age. But still, almost one out of four men and almost one out of three women think they would be turned off by someone who is a hard core geek.

It’s Just Lunch’s take: Intelligence is definitely sexy. Show your geeky side, but don’t let it dominate—unless perhaps you’re with a fellow geek. It’s one thing to flex your brain, but if it leads to awkward behavior then you’re doing it wrong.

The Three-Day Rule Is Outdated

There’s an interesting process that many of us go through when meeting someone for the first time on a date—almost like an internal checklist. Are they physically my type? Do they communicate well? What are they doing with their lives, and if so, are they happy doing it? But then come a laundry list of other attributes we may notice in the course of getting to know someone. How do intangibles fit into the dating equation?

In our latest It’s Just Lunch dating survey, we covered a select number of intangibles out of countless traits that people may possess based on recent trends we’ve noticed. Let’s dive in:

 

The “Text-Back”

There is an outdated mode of thinking called the “three-day rule” that often prevents men (or women) from calling after the first date for fear of seeming desperate. Our thoughts? If you enjoyed your date and want to see this person again, why not just communicate those thoughts? So, is a text to your date that evening after your first meet up appropriate, or just too soon?

A majority of both men (57%) and women (64%) said a text setting up a second date would be cute and they would gladly text back. In fact, 24% of men would call back if they received a text from a date; 13% of women were also inclined to call. Only 18% of men and 22% of women suggested a same-evening text might be a little “too soon.”

It’s Just Lunch’s take: If you enjoyed your date, why wait? But don’t abuse communication; a slew of texts could be a signal you are desperate.

If You Don’t Have a Job, At Least Have a Plan

So what if you’re unemployed? In the economy, it’s a common theme—even among professionals. Well, we have good news and bad news:

The bad news first. While about 65% of men surveyed by It’s Just Lunch said they would have no problem going out on a date with a women who was unemployed, women were far less amenable to the idea, with only 25% saying they would go out on a date with unemployed men. In fact, 33% of women said they would rule out a date entirely with a guy who is unemployed, compared to only 8% of men.

As we mentioned before, both our male and female respondents suggest we still tend to seek more traditional roles, even when it’s being set up for a first date. Men don’t mind providing to a woman who is out of work, but women seek men who have the ability to do some of the providing—at least an equal share of it. Here’s where the good news comes in. About 42% of women said they would consider a date with an unemployed man, as long as he had a plan for getting back on track.

What’s the key? Unemployment shouldn’t disqualify you from dating, but remember to focus on your own life too. The dating market isn’t as tough as the job market, but for both—having a plan is the difference between finding a successful match and being left out in the cold.

Feedback Friday: Kathi and Joe

He was a nice man, I liked him. I thought he was good looking, he had an interesting background and he was funny. It was a fun date! – Kathi, 44

Thank you! That was an excellent match, I really like Kathi. She’s very pretty and very open and we have quite a bit in common. I felt chemistry with her and I look forward to seeing her for our 2nd date. –Joe, 47

We’re Excited For This New Dating Show

With our favorite TV shows starting to air their season finales, TV networks are starting to promote their summer TV lineup. You may have heard the buzz about Eva Longoria developing a new matchmaking series. Last week, the TV show The Choice was announced. Our office is excited to watch this!

The new Fox summer show is modeled similar to NBC’s The Voice, but instead of a singing competition, this is dating show…complete with the spinning chairs. The to-be-announced celebrities will “audition” their potential love interests, without seeing their physical appearance until they push the “love” button….the ultimate blind date!

What do you think of this new dating show concept?