There’s an interesting process that many of us go through when meeting someone for the first time on a date—almost like an internal checklist. Are they physically my type? Do they communicate well? What are they doing with their lives, and if so, are they happy doing it? But then come a laundry list of other attributes we may notice in the course of getting to know someone. How do intangibles fit into the dating equation?

In our latest It’s Just Lunch dating survey, we covered a select number of intangibles out of countless traits that people may possess based on recent trends we’ve noticed. Let’s dive in:

The “Text-Back”

There is an outdated mode of thinking called the “three-day rule” that often prevents men (or women) from calling after the first date for fear of seeming desperate. Our thoughts? If you enjoyed your date and want to see this person again, why not just communicate those thoughts? So, is a text to your date that evening after your first meet up appropriate, or just too soon?

A majority of both men (57%) and women (64%) said a text setting up a second date would be cute and they would gladly text back. In fact, 24% of men would call back if they received a text from a date; 13% of women were also inclined to call. Only 18% of men and 22% of women suggested a same-evening text might be a little “too soon.”

It’s Just Lunch’s take: If you enjoyed your date, why wait? But don’t abuse communication; a slew of texts could be a signal you are desperate.

Listen: It’s easy to talk about yourself on a first date. Don’t forget to ask questions about
date and listen. When you listen, it’ll be easy to ask follow-up questions to keep the conversation flowing. And, you never know…all that listening might make it easier to plan a 2^nd date. They might mention a movie they want to see, that they’re a baseball fan or have heard good things about a new restaurant in town.

Follow-Up to see if they got home safely: A simple text message asking if they made it home OK will not go unnoticed. Remember, chivalry isn’t dead!

Compliment: Everyone has first date butterflies and jitters. A genuine compliment goes a long way. “You look nice”, “You have pretty eyes”, “You have a great smile” goes far.  And don’t forget to smile.

Plan the second date on the first date: If there is chemistry on that first date, don’t waste time. Plan a second date while you’re finishing up your first date. It’s a great feeling walking away from a good first date knowing that there will be another. If you seem excited about getting to know him/her, they will be excited about getting to know you too, don’t play games.

The first date is an opportunity for you to sit down with someone and get to know them (we recommend spending an hour and half together) and see if there is enough interest and chemistry for a 2^nd date. Simple, right?

It’s important to remember that it’s just a date…it’s supposed to be fun! Relax and enjoy the person sitting across the table from you and focus on the present…not if this person is “the one” in the future.

As the first date winds down, here are some things you should know and a few things you shouldn’t (save them for the upcoming dates).

You Should Know…

-If you have at least one thing in common

-If they asked you questions about yourself

-If they’re smart/funny/kind/confident

-If they seem genuinely interested in you

-If they’re employed

You Shouldn’t Know….

-How amazing their ex was

-Their religion or political beliefs (it can be a sensitive topic for a first date)
-How many other people they’re dating